How To Tell The Difference Between Love & Lust

There is nothing wrong with wanting to tear your spouse’s clothing away on a whim (it might definitely make for a sexy relationship), but whether or not there’s a deeper love will ascertain the commitment level. Knowing the difference between lust and love will help you understand exactly how romantically involved you envision being with your partner. And, what’s more, it’ll give you a good idea of how they effect you and how to feel towards your spouse, regarding her or his weaknesses.

As a certified health coach I work with people on feeling satisfied in their relationships, regardless of what that really stands for. Sometimes, people are just after lust, or rather a romantic (often mainly physical) relationship that is more short lived, hot, and obsessive. Consider: You can’t keep your hands off each other when. But usually there’s less of a link beyond the physical (you’re sort of dating the human body, instead of the individual inside it). As there’s an affection and understanding that there, a relationship built on love is going to have a more significance. click for info what you’re currently looking for, both could be fulfilling; just the long-term result will differ.

You’ve got Meaningful Conversation

According to Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, a licensed clinical professional counselor and a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, above email with Bustle, in case you are finding a deeper level of communication, there is probably a love there. “When there’s depth to the relationship, beyond just physical attraction, that’s a great sign that there is love. You have the ability to have meaningful conversations, discuss your dreams for your relationship, learn about one another’s interests and family history,” Rabbi Slatkin describes.

You’re Excited By Them Only Sexually

“If you find yourself romantically and sexually aroused by them, but don’t have any interest in the mental and other non-sexual facets of the relationship, then it probably is just lust,” says David Bennett, a certified advisor and dating pro to Bustle.

You are Still Invested In Them Despite Bad Sex

If you are suffering to have a sexual chemistry with your partner, or you don’t like his or her style in bed, but you still want to stay together for a ton of other reasons, it is likely because you love them, says Bennett. “Love is a connection that is deeper than just sexual attraction, and is emotional as well as intellectual, and lasts even when you could be trying hard to connect sexually with your partner,” says Bennett.


“Lust is typically compound, primal and firmly physical. It typically entails idealization and dream about the individual,” says Stacy Kaiser, Live Joyful Editor In Large and certified psychotherapist, to Bustle. “Love will be calmer and quieter. It requires more time to grow and feels more like a mental and psychological bond than a chemical or physical one,” Kaiser adds.

You are Obsessive

“Lust and the first stages of a relationship involve the addiction center of your mind, which is fed by the hormones that surge through you each time you see or think about the object of the desires,” states Michelle Archard, Romance Expert to Bustle. “If you’re always looking to get a ‘repair’ of the partner then you are probably still in the lust phase. If you’re able to go a while with no contact and aren’t always considering them then you’ve moved into the love or attachment phase,” Archard describes.

You Feel Grounded Around Them

“Love is profound grounded feeling. Enjoy is layered. When you love somebody, you take the entire package. You wish to get to understand them. You care about them and look after their health,” says Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Melissa Divaris Thompson, to Bustle. Generally speaking, you’ll be interested in peeling back those layers.

You are Doing More “Couple” Matters

“From the time love occurs, couples are generally moving in with them, purchasing a home, moving up the career ladder, and thinking of kids. They have a lot more stress happening in their life, which helps to eliminate (or slow down) lust,” explains Cath Hakanson, sex educator and founder of Sex Ed Rescue to Bustle.

You’re Focused On Getting What You Want

Here’s an integral difference: Lust is all about getting what you want (maybe some hot sex) , while love is more concerning giving onto a partner and enduring the relationship, explains dating & Author coach, Brian Taylor, to Bustle. Think about it’s going help determine whether you are feeling lust or love and where your mind is.

You Don’t Feel Safe To Open Up

“Should you truly feel safe to share your feelings in your relationship, and you also feel accepted despite your flaws, it is likely love. Should you feel you either can not or do not want to discuss your feelings and be mentally vulnerable in your relationship, then it is likely lust,” Shirani M. Pathak, LCSW, Relationship Center of Silicon Valley, states over email with Bustle.

If you notice any of these gaps popping up on your relationship, you’ll certainly get a few signals to understand the difference. That is great if it’s aligned with what you need. If not, company website is time to re-evaluate.