How To Tell The Difference Between Love & Lust

There’s nothing wrong with needing to rip your partner’s clothes away on a whim (it can definitely result in a sexy relationship), but whether or not there is a deeper love will determine the commitment level. Understanding the difference between love and lust will help you understand how romantically involved you imagine being with your companion. And, what is more, it’ll provide you a great idea of how to feel regarding her or his weaknesses and how they effect you.

As a licensed wellness coach I work with individuals on feeling satisfied with their relationships, no matter what that actually stands for. Sometimes, individuals are just after lust, or rather a romantic (often mainly physical) relationship which is more short lived, hot, and obsessive. Consider: You can’t keep your hands off each other when together. But , usually there is less of a link beyond the physical (you’re kind of dating the human body, instead of the individual inside it). Contrarily, a relationship will have a more meaning, since there’s an affection and understanding that there. No matter what you looking for, the two could be fulfilling; only the long-term outcome will fluctuate.

You Have Meaningful Conversation

According to Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, a licensed clinical professional counselor and also a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, over email with Bustle, in case you are finding a deeper level of communication, then there’s likely a love there. “When there’s depth to the relationship, beyond just physical attraction, that is a great sign that there is love. You are able to have meaningful conversations, discuss your dreams for your own relationship, learn more about one another’s interests and family history,” Rabbi Slatkin explains.

“If you find yourself romantically and sexually aroused by them, but don’t have any interest in the emotional and other non-sexual aspects of the relationship, then it likely is just lust,” says David Bennett, a licensed advisor and dating pro to Bustle.

Continue are Still Invested In Them Despite Bad Sex

If you are suffering to have a sexual chemistry with your partner, or you do not like her or his style in bed, but you still want to stay with them for a ton of other reasons, it is probably because you love them, says Bennett. “Love is a relationship that is deeper than just sexual appeal, and is mental as well as intellectual, and continues even when you could be trying hard to connect intimately with your spouse,” says Bennett.


“Lust is usually compound, primal and strongly physical. It typically entails idealization and dream about the individual,” states Stacy Kaiser, Live Happy Editor In Large and licensed psychotherapist, to Bustle. “Love will be calmer and quieter. It takes more time to develop and feels more like an emotional and psychological bond than a chemical or physical one,” Kaiser adds.

You are Obsessive

“Lust and the first phases of a relationship involve the addiction center of the brain, which can be fed from the hormones that surge through you every time you visit or consider the object of your desires,” states Michelle Archard, Romance Expert to Bustle. “If you are continually looking to get a ‘fix’ of the partner then you’re most likely still at the lust stage. If you’re able to go some time with no contact and aren’t always thinking about them then you have moved into the attachment or love stage,” Archard explains.

You Feel Grounded About Them

“Love is profound grounded feeling. Enjoy is layered. When you like someone, the entire package is taken by you. go to my site want to get to understand them. You care about them and care for their wellbeing,” states Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Melissa Divaris Thompson, to Bustle. In general, you will be enthusiastic about peeling back those layers.

You’re Doing “Couple” Things

“From the time love occurs, couples are usually moving in with them, purchasing a home, moving up the career ladder, and believing of kids. They have much more pressure happening in their lifetime, which helps to eliminate (or slow down) lust,” describes Cath Hakanson, sex educator and creator of Sex Ed Rescue to Bustle.

You are Focused On Getting Everything You Need

Here’s an integral difference: Lust is about getting what you want (maybe some hot sex) , while love is much more about enduring the relationship and giving on a partner, explains Brian Taylor, Author & dating coach, to Bustle. Consider it’ll help determine whether you’re feeling lust or love and where your mind is.

You Don’t Feel Safe To Open Up

“If you truly feel safe to talk about your feelings in your relationship, and you also feel accepted despite your flaws, it is likely love. Should you feel you either can not or don’t need to share your feelings and be mentally vulnerable in your relationship, it is probably lust,” Shirani M. Pathak, LCSW, Relationship Center of Silicon Valley, states above email with Bustle.

If you discover any of these gaps popping up in your relationship, you’ll certainly get a few signs to comprehend the difference. That is good, when it’s aligned with what you want. If not, it’s time.